by Ben Stark

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LOADED WITH BONUS STUFF! This album includes 2 bonus tracks and a PDF with liner notes and 5 never-before-seen photos in HIGH RESOLUTION!


released March 10, 2015

Ben Stark - Vocals, Guitar, Ukulele, Keyboards, Percussion, Noises.
Bobby Stark - Vocals

All music and arrangements by Ben Stark except:
“Rap Ring” - Inspired by music by Ben Stark and Chris Alarie, with
samples courtesy of Apple, Inc.
“Asshole” - Written by Beck Hansen
“Ducktales” - Written by Mark Mueller

“Gun shot” sound on Yul Brynner courtesy of GoodSoundForYou
under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.

Album artwork and photographs by Ben Stark,
“Skull” artwork by Chris Alarie

No actual Cards Against Humanity or Crabs Adjust Humidity cards
were used in “CAH”. Any similarities are purely coincidental.

Special Thanks
Mom, Dad, Chris Alarie, Bobby Stark, David Blakeley

© Copyright 2015 Ben Stark.


Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.



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Track Name: There's a Skeleton Inside You
There’s a skeleton inside you now
Screaming inside he just wants to get out

There’s no where that you can run or hide
You’re gonna die when the skeleton comes out

You’re gonna die
You’re gonna die

There’s no reason to be afraid
You’re gonna die eventually anyway

Call your mom better call your dad
There’s no superhero who can save the day

You’ll probably die
You’ll probably die

I’m a skeleton
I’m a skeleton
There’s no room in here
There’s no room for you

There’s a monster inside you now
Ready to explode out from your skin

There’s a skeleton you can’t deny
Better get a knife and cut it out

I hope you die
I hope you die
It’s time to die
It’s time to die
Track Name: Rap Ring (Secret Song)
Welcome to the phone company, bitch.

Once upon a time
I had a pager son
That brick was phat
Back in 1991

But check me now
I've got a phone
With buttons and a speaker
And a sweet ring tone

R to the I to the
Rockin my flip phone
Like its 1993

Workin' for the phone company, yow
I'm a lucky-ass son of a bitch
Workin' for the phone company like a dog all day long
Workin' for the motherfuckin' phone company

This is a rap song
So check it dude
We've got the reps
For being rude

We make all
The great prank calls
To hospitals, courtrooms
And bathroom stalls

I got a dog
His name is Rover
Just like my minutes
He knows how to roll over

I'd love to talk
But I got another call
Hold for a long long time
This ones from my mom

My phones ringing
all night long
Gotta top up my minutes
To finish this song


Check it.

Cell phone.






Metro PCS

Pac Bell

Bell South

Air Canada


Track Name: Creature (2.0)
Under the stars
Into the night
Something Arrives
Run for your lives

Screaming and
Flaming It’s

Coming closer
Brighter clearer
It get’s nearer
With each hour

Gleaming the
Bodies fall
From the

From the night sky
Twitsed figures
Cracking Stretghing
An eye opens

Lasers and
The Sky

The sky darkens
Squirming Bodies
The ground shaking

Screaming and
Flaming It falls
Track Name: Asshole
Due to copyright reasons, the lyrics to this song cannot be displayed here, but you can read them here:
Track Name: CAH
I will not eat them, Sam-I-Am.
I will not eat green eggs and a bearded clam
I will not eat Apocalypse sex
I will not eat a Briannasaurus rex

A slight case of rabies
Makin’ babies.
Getting sexed up by the Ferengi
Cumming on your enemies

Not seeing your reflection
Locking doors with your erection

It’s a Chronic Active Hepatitis
It’s a Campaign Against Homophobia
NO! It’s Cards Against Humanity
Cards Against Humanity

Laughing at Keanu
Knowing how to Kung Fu
Mothballs in the beef strew
Lots and lots of gasoline
Carrots and vaseline

I am jacks smirking pink slime
I am jacks cherry cream pie
I am jacks robots getting high
I am jacks smirking george mcfly

Whale barf
Yellow discharge
Hitting school kids with your car
Being a shitty card czar

A syringe full of butter
Cutting fingers with a paper cutter

It’s a Congenital Adrenal Hyperlapsia
It’s a Command Auditory Hallucination
NO! It’s Crabs Adjust Humidity
Crabs Adjust Humidity

Slamming your dick in a drawer
Poking at a cold sore
Hiding slaves in a trap door
Miley Cyborg
Fucking wash them
Monkey Island TM

A toddler with a razor blade
Making meth with a kitchen aid
Real girl scout lemonade
That’s how babies are made

Not reading the quran
Belonging in the garbage can
Getting tickled by a creepy homeless man
30 dead guys and one woman

Worshipping Satan
A windshield in front of an asian

It’s Cards Against Ben
It’s Cards Against the Yen
NO! It’s Cards Against Canada
It's Cards Against Canada

It's Computer Aided Handling
It's Cyanide and Happiness
NO! It's Cards Against Humanity
Cards Against Humanity
Track Name: Yul Brynner (Bang Yer Dead)
Welcome to the Westworld amusement park
Where nothing can go wrong
At a thousand dollars a day it’s no lark
And you have no choice but to play along

Boy have we got a vacation for you
With robot horses and robot people
And some of the robots have lost a screw
And most of those robots are after you

He’s got pixel vision
And a trigger finger
His haunting eyes are shiny
And his name is Gunslinger

They gave him super hearing
In the circuits in his head
He shoots with precision
Bang yer dead

They don't even know how they work
It’s all a bit hazy
There was a central malfunction
And the machines went all crazy.

You try to hide from his infrared eyes
While the science guys try to cut the robot power
Setting him on fire was probably unwise
Now he’s just mad and it’s the zero hour

He’ll shoot a hole in your arteries
He’ll shoot your cowboy hat right off
You’ll only get so far with flattery
Until his gun runs out of batteries.

He’s got pixel vision
And a trigger finger
His haunting eyes are shiny
And his name is Gunslinger

They gave him super hearing
In the circuits in his head
He shoots with precision
Bang yer dead

The plot drags on and you stop listening
Now you’ve seen the movie Westworld
It’s kinda like Jurassic Park, but less interesting
Track Name: Turning (eht ot emocleW)
Not our of desperation or insatiable lust
Not out of friendship, kindness and trust
Nor for purple mountain's majesty
Or all the crack in America

Welcome to the turning
Welcome to the end
Welcome to the turning
Welcome to the end

Not as an ace in the hole, or a last resort
Not out of solitaire, dysphoria, or anything of that sort
Not when the darkness consumes, or your sanity departs

Welcome to the turning
Welcome to the end
Welcome to the turning
Welcome to the end

Not out of desperation, or unquenchable thirst
Not for anything, not even
When this song is reversed
Track Name: Bag of Holding (A Villanelle)
All in my handy haversack
It's my own secret hiding place
It's my sweet little black backpack

I could fit an entire dire yak
Elven red wine? I'll take a case
All in my handy haversack

You want to give me a big smack
I'm not lying. See my straight face?
It's my sweet little black backpack

Ancient scrolls I've got a stack, jack
I'll hold your sword, your axe, your mace
All in my handy haversack

I've got your coins, your loot, your snack
All in non-dimensional space
It's my sweet little black backpack

If it ruptures I'll get some flack
Our stuff will be lost in nil-space
All in my handy haversack
It's my sweet little black backpack
Track Name: Fridge Magnets (Science, Bitch)
Science Bitch
The Lord is Coming.... Hard
Will you? Unf.

Motherfucking zombie killing Jesus Christ

Death is so important.
So important. Fuck.

Pizza, pickles, root beer, spam
Beach ballin'

Bacon, poison, postcards, pie
Escape! Escape!

Liquid measure
Organically grown
Happy holidays

You do not eat
That which rips your heart with joy
Track Name: Infanino
There she sits, the redhead in the flower dress
Smiling shyly
Pretending not to look at me

A majestic creature, carefully crossing her legs
Her pale skin glowing warmly in the sunlight
As she gazes out the window

Fiery auburn curls circle her face
Hanging just above her long slender neck
Shoulders framing her perky bosom

Casually engaging a stranger in conversation
With a playful curiosity the same as a child
She looks away and catches my eye

Dark brown moccasins bounce on her feet
Sunlight shining on her shapely legs
Revealing wisps of soft, tiny hairs

With a graceful gesture she lets down her hair
Teeth like perfectly cut diamonds shine between her delicate lips
As she laughs at a joke

There she sits, like a porcelain doll
Doe eyes full of wonder and intrigue
Pretending not to look at me
Track Name: Ducktales
Due to copyright reasons, the lyrics to this song cannot be displayed here, but you can read them here:
Track Name: Everything is Happening
Toxic Monster
Calls for Chivalry


Digs Further
In His Back Yard

Right into my

Ghost dad
Jello got me

Everything is happening
Everything is maddening
Everyone is clapping
Everyone is dead

Horse Pill
Graveyard Sex Mystery


Salt Lick
Killed the Milk

Lipstick guitar

Long frown
Get Down
Off your Murphy

Everything is happening
Everything is fattening
Everyone is clapping
Everyone is dead

Everything is sacherine
Everyone is Catherine
Everyone is wrapping
Presents for the dead

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